Criticism, criticism when children make mistakes, if not in the right circumstances, will backfire, making children more rebellious.
Teaching and supervising young children, although it is the right of parents, does not mean that they can teach wherever they want, whenever they want, when they want to teach at that time.
If parents do not want to turn parenting into torture for children, parents need to remember the following 4 taboo times.
1. During a meal
The China Youth Research Center has a study titled “Life habits of Chinese urban children”, which concludes that: More than half of children in China are criticized while eating. The reason is that adults think that when the whole family is together, it is best to teach children at this time.
But this view is completely wrong.
Studies show: The human digestive system has a very close relationship with emotions, the quality of emotions is also proportional to digestion. Being criticized while eating not only affects your mood, but also greatly affects your appetite. Therefore, eating and drinking with children is no longer pleasant but becomes dull and tasteless. This has a negative impact on children’s mental health and well-being.
2. Before going to bed
There is an effect in psychology, which refers to the phenomenon that when people remember a series of things, the memory effect of the last part is better than the middle part. So the child who is criticized before going to bed will be lonely and sad all night long, and they will doubt their parents’ love during their sleep. If this is the case, the child will be depressed, lose sleep and more prone to nightmares.
Many parents are busy with work, so they only have time to communicate with their children before going to sleep and they take advantage of this time to talk about studying, scolding, complaining of all kinds. Remember, the time before going to bed is the time to speak softly, the child will perceive more easily. From there they feel confident and quickly correct their mistakes.
3. In front of outsiders
Even at a young age, children have self-respect and shame. Many parents, for some reason, cannot control their anger when their children make mistakes and will criticize, scold, and disrespect even in front of many people. The main purpose of this action is to make the child ashamed and remember his mistakes longer. Or parents are sometimes afraid of being judged by others for not knowing how to teach their children, so they have to prove in front of everyone that they are the perfect parents.
Children are very sensitive, compliments may not be completely remembered, but if they only scold once, they will remember them for a lifetime. If this situation lasts for a long time, it will make children lose confidence, especially for children who are in adulthood, will form a habit of resistance, what parents say to do the opposite. No one wants to be criticized in public, adults and children alike.
4. When the child is sick
The sick child himself was very upset. Criticism at this time will only worsen the child’s mood, creating more mental pressure for them.
When the child is healthy, criticism is acceptable, but when the child is tired or sick, the parent’s sarcasm will double as cruel. If parents are used to sprinkling salt on their child’s wounds, the result is that the old wound has not yet healed, and there is a new wound. The child, who is fragile in body and mind when sick, desperately needs the embrace and comfort of his parents, now must stop criticizing.
5. When children admit mistakes
When children make mistakes, they are very conscious of their mistakes. If children know where they went wrong and parents constantly criticize them, it is not only meaningless but also makes children have more negative thoughts.
Studies show that children who are blamed and praised often have different ways of dealing with difficulties, with one person withdrawing and avoiding, while the other actively solves them. everything.
6. When the child is happy or sad
Children who are having fun but being scolded are like going out and encountering a storm. When the mood is happy because of achieving something, suddenly being scolded can make children feel depressed, even mentally shocked, and lose motivation to try.
Likewise, yelling at your child when he’s in a bad mood also negatively affects his emotional well-being. For example, when a child gets bad grades, already unhappy, comes home to be scolded and criticized, making the mood worse. From there, there will be a psychological fear or hiding, not daring to admit mistakes when making mistakes.
7. When parents are angry
When parents are angry, it is easy to fall into a state of wanting to scold someone as soon as they open their mouth. In this case, if parents teach their children’s stories, they will easily hurt their children and break the image of parents in the eyes of their children.
In the meantime, parents need to calm down, wait for the calm to return, and teach their children what is more than the truth.